I was watching Winners and Losers and Tiffany announced she is moving to Hong Kong in the show. For a fictional character, I was flooded with a jealousy towards her I can not quite explain. HOW DARE SHE MOVE TO MY HOME!! She's not even a nice person!!! She doesn't DESERVE Hong Kong!!!!
I don't seem to fit in Australia. This place is really hard to break into. Everyone has their set of friends and that's that. Most people are not keen to meet new people....not like in HK where I was meeting new people all the time!
I am astoundingly unhappy in Australia as a country. While I love my job (surrounded by kids from HK and other non-Aussie countries), my husband and my cat, I have nothing else. I can't ring up people and go visit to cure the blues like I could in HK. Failing that in HK, I could just GO somewhere exciting. There was always people somewhere I could meet and talk to. That is not the case here.
As much as living next door to Phil was like living in a war zone, he was at least social and I could pop over, have a beer and a mindless chat and laughs.
I just want to go home. I want to be back in HK. I don't want to be here.
When I went to say goodnight to G, he knew I was bawling but I could not even articulate it to him. What can I say? Being here makes me so fucking miserable sometimes, I can't breathe? How would he react to that? He knows that he is really the only reason I am here. I feel bad that I am not more happy here, that I can't stop thinking about life in HK. My students find is fascinating that I am homesick for HK but not Canada. I've not lived in Canada since 2001. I miss Crawfooty like mad, but with recent developments with Rhonda and my family, I don't want to go back to that for longer than a month.
I SMSd Sophie and she said that she's going on a junk this weekend. *WAIL* I WANNA GO ON A JUNK THIS WEEKEND!!! *WAIL* I WANNA BE IN HK.
12 hours later, I feel as though I could still just burst into tears.
There really is not solution to this, so long as I am married. I can go back to HK for holidays, but that seems to hurt more as I eventually have to leave. I can't move back because G would never come with me. Although, we did ok with the LDR thing in ways. At least this way, I would be less frustrated about the complete and total lack of sex I am getting, since he would not be in the same country. When *I* think about moving back, all I can see are the good things about it...more money, my friends, HK freedom, better travel to SE Asia. I know from G's point of view, all he would see is the bad side...he'd not be able to afford our place on his salary alone, we have the car to pay off, we have Harry, he'd miss me. I'm not saying I would not miss G, because I would, but right now, I feel like I am missing ME and that is fucking unfair.
Fucking Winners and Losers. Y U HAVE TO MENTION HONG KONG AND GIVE ME THE SADS?!?!
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